another year over

This year was a decided improvement on 2008, but I still think next year can be even better.

This year, I moved home and got two major bills completely paid off before moving back to Bathurst in a cosy little flat. I got decent marks at uni, better than I had expected. I've also got nearly all my driving hours needed to go for my license, visited my family a few times, rekindled a couple of close friendships and found contentment.

Next year will definately be an improvement on this year: I'll get my driver's license, Kyle will be over here with me for a couple of months, I'll (hopefully) get casual or part-time work to supplement my study, more nights out with the girls, possibly a good friend getting married... the list goes on. Next year will bring happiness for me and my friends.

New Year's resolutions? Hmm...

• learn another language (Japanese, Italian or Irish Gaelic)
• keep up the good uni grades
• finish my book
• get a passport
• lose a bit of weight
• not get too upset if none of the above happens

So there you have it, 2010 will be awesome for me and hopefully everyone else too.

happy

I haven't felt so happy and fulfilled in a long time. Even though I'm still stressed about not having work yet, and the prospect of eventually doing my driver's test scares the hell out of me, it isn't bringing me down as much as I thought it would.

For starters, I have Kyle. I have his trip to Australia in May next year to look forward to, and provided I have work I have my trip to see him around this time next year as well. He's caring, he makes me laugh, and I can talk to him for hours. I can't help but care for him too, and am pretty much counting down till I can give him a massive hug.

There's also the little miracle of my improved relationship with my mum. Yes, I still find her a bit embarrassing at times, but most people feel that way about their parents. In the last couple of months my mum has really shown she cares and is concerned for me, and we've really enjoyed each others' company. Visiting home in small doses is the key!

I think that finally acknowledging my religion out in the open has contributed. It's out there for anyone who wants to know now. Plus, my beliefs encourage "harm none", positive thinking and intention, and generally living a good life. I feel like I can finally open up to my faith and actually live it. I don't feel forced into anything.

Besides that, watching season 9 of Stargate SG-1 for the umpteenth time is pretty good for my mood.

Faith

I have been struggling a lot for awhile now with my faith. I have had Christianity in various forms force-fed to me my whole life, and it really didn't feel right. I tried, mainly for the sake of my family and friends. To be honest with you, that's not a good enough reason to believe in something, to invest so much of yourself into.

I started to question my religion a few years ago now, and I've felt kind of lost ever since. Well, really I felt a bit lost before that too. I read books, essays, the Bible, talked to many people... and nothing. I felt nothing.

Then I read something about Celtic Reconstructionism, and it somehow just resonated with me. I don't pretend to know everything about the Goddess Journey or Druidism, or even Wicca, but I do know that most people's journeys on the pagan path are unique and personal. This just felt like I should look into it more.

This isn't something I'm taking lightly, believe me. My family and most of my friends probably won't accept it either. Faith is a very personal aspect of one's life, but in my experience what I believe in is only ok if it is considered to be in line with Christianity.

I have nothing against Christianity or any other religion, all I know is that they didn't resonate with me. Instead I've chosen to explore a more personal and unique Goddess-centered belief, and I may end up being ostracized for it.

Accepting and acknowledging my faith is freedom, even if it comes at a cost.

And I won't force my beliefs on anyone.

P's equal degrees baby!

I passed accounting! Finally, I can move on... to the next accounting subject.

But in brighter news, I got a credit for business law, and a distinction for IT! So relieved, so happy, no summer course for me! Hehe. It also means I passed that open book law exam, so I'm not such a dumbass after all.

This means I can focus on getting a casual or part time job before uni starts back on March 1st. Wish me luck!

I managed to get in contact with one of my potential cover artists, she's been very helpful so far, and I should be able to afford art from her after New Year. It's exciting, it just means I need to write a lot more.

Again, wish me luck!

jobs jobs jobs

I miss working. I miss earning my own money. I miss the feeling of self-sufficiency that comes from being out on your own, working to keep yourself in a home, with food on the table.

I've been applying for jobs, but I've only had one interview since I've been back in Bathurst (I totally choked). I'll admit I've been getting pretty down on myself about it all. I know I'm studying, but that's a poor excuse really. So hopefully I get another interview or two soon. And I'll try my very best not to choke this time.

I need to get writing again as well. I have a couple of ideas but am still finding it hard to put them into words. I am aiming to publish sometime next year, but I need to get some money together before I can commission cover art and publish. I have two possible artists in mind, and I wouldn't mind commissioning art from both either.

Actually, I need to get in touch with them both to find out prices and timeframes. Eh. Fingers crossed this all works!

internet filter = epic fail

The Government's internet filter legislation has been given the green light, despite objections from everywhere I look.

According to StephenConroy, the point of the filter is to ensure the safety of all Australians, particularly children, from material deemed unacceptable for society. Aren't most children supervised when accessing the internet? And what exactly is unacceptable? I understand that pornographic images would be classified as such, but what about things like religious beliefs? Extremist sites are deemed unacceptable, but how long will it take for other sites that disagree with Christianity to become blacklisted? How long before political commentary that opposes government policy is added to the list? Honestly, if you're going to open up this can of worms, there's no telling where it will end.

Minister Conroy says that the filter is 100% accurate. I laughed. Innocent sites have already been blacklisted in the trial, and IRC channels and peer-to-peer clients remain unaffected by the filter. If that's full accuracy I'm absolutely dying to see what 50% looks like. It's an absurd claim.

Is this just a ploy to gain censorship power by the Government? Many would say yes, myself included. Apparently I am not a responsible enough person not to access sites that would scar me for life or be deemed criminal. Apparently no Australian is. Will it turn out a few years from now that my blog will be blacklisted for speaking out against the filter? Possibly. Many fear that Australia is slowly turning away from democracy and becoming a police state. Maybe it is.

I'm all for ridding Australia of child pornography, it is vile and is all about the torture and victimisation of kids. But surely the filter can target only these type of sites? And what good is a filter that doesn't stop file sharing clients and IRC channels?

All I know for sure is that I wholeheartedly object to the filter, but whether or not my opinion and the opinions of so many others makes a difference is yet to be seen.

Twitter-bug

I'm well and truly bitten by the Twitter-bug.

I started using Twitter as a way to keep in touch with some of my online friends, meet new poets and artists, and to shamelessly advertise my blog. Now though, I love Twitter for a whole new reason.

Celebrities who tweet back.

I have become a fangirly girl.

A couple of months ago, Simone Simons (of the dutch metal band Epica) tweeted about a corset she modelled. I happen to have a love of corsets, so I naturally took a peek. It was stunning, and she looked stunning it so I tweeted her to let her know. Imagine my surprise when I received a tweet back! Admittedly, all it said was how to enter a comp to win the corset, but still, I was thrilled. One of my idols actually acknowledged the post I sent her.

I was on a high for awhile after that, hehe.

Now, last night was the free-to-air premiere of Stargate Universe in Australia. I thoroughly enjoyed it, especially the character of Eli Wallace (played by David Blue). I mentioned David in a post about it, and when I woke up this morning I had a reply: aw. Thanks!

I find it refreshing that an actor with nearly 100,000 followers takes the time to reply to the people who tweeted him. Plus he was just so darned polite about it! He well and truly has a new fan now.

Twitter isn't evil, and it certainly doesn't need to be about every little aspect of your life. Most celebs simply use it as a medium to keep in touch with their fans and make them feel involved. So screw you Miley.

Too harsh? :P

Follow me on Twitter, I'm not nearly as opinionated there as I am here: @SkybieMack

pressure

What a week!

My hot water system suddenly stopped working, so I called the real estate who said they'd get ahold of the landlord who would contact me. No contact came. I called the real estate this morning, and guess what? They'd forgotten all about the urgent repair request after they couldn't reach the landlord after one attempt.

Thankfully I have a generous neighbour who allowed me the use of their shower.

Anyway, the landlord is awesome, and the thermostat is replaced, and he's coming to fix the pressure release valve in the morning.

And then tomorrow afternoon is my business law exam. I'm thinking there is more pressure with this exam, seeing as it's open book. If I fail, I really must be a dumbass.

You know, no pressure or anything.

blockhead

Writer's block is my nemesis, and his name is Bill.

I need to figure out a way to overcome him and quash his evil influence over my creative muse, Robin. Poor Robin hasn't had the chance to flex her creative muscle in such a very long time.

Seriously though, I'm behind schedule. I needed another six or seven solid poems added to the book by now and it just hasn't happened. I don't even have a single one completed since July! At this rate I'll have a cover commissioned and finished before I have the book done.

So please, share with me your tips for kicking Bill's pudgy derrière out so Robin can spread her wings again... or at least give me some topics to work with. I'll even credit you!

no chocolate today, it's chocolate sauce

I'm melting. And no, I'm not green, wear a pointy hat or cackle.

I can't believe how hot it's been for early and mid November, it feels like it should be the middle of summer already. Those lucky ducks with air conditioning probably don't feel it quite as bad till they leave the house. My flat is like an oven, and I'm a roast chook.

The weather experts are saying yesterday was the hottest November 19 on record. I may not believe all the climate change hype, but don't anyone dare tell me Australia isn't getting hotter, I don't remember 40 degree celcius weather in mid November before and the high temperature is likely to make my temper flare. It's weird though, this time last year I was rugged up in a hoodie, jeans and boots, today I am wearing the skimpiest of dresses (I am only at home for the rest of the day) and am barefoot.

Oh, and my exam room didn't have air conditioning this morning.

Ouch.

Obamarama

Why is there such an uproar that the US president bowed to the Japanese emperor? It seems to me that some people honestly believe that due to globalisation there are no cultural differences anymore.

I'm sorry, but there will always be differences among cultures. Had Obama not bowed, you can be sure he'd be in just as much trouble... just not from Americans. When in another country, of course it would be best to adhere to local customs regarding greetings and signs of respect, especially on a diplomatic visit.

Dick Cheney is saying that the American president should not bow to anyone. Why not? Is he not allowed to be respectful and show cultural awareness? If a leader such as Obama doesn't show this kind of respect for the rest of the world, I hate to imagine what kind of world we would be living in.

I don't really have a political opinion on Obama one way or the other, but I do find it refreshing to see a world leader who actually seems aware that civilisation exists outside his own borders. Some people (I'm looking at you Cheney) need to pull their head out of their own backsides and take a good look at the world around them.

what happened to entertainment?

I've been watching M*A*S*H of an afternoon, and it left me wondering: what happened to entertainment? M*A*S*H combined just enough humour with real, humantarian storylines to give us a show that makes us laugh, and can still tug at the heartstrings, can tell a story worth telling.

I even found myself watching episodes of The Nanny. Annoying nasally voice aside, the show is really very clever, with humour to appeal to the entire family. Family sitcoms these days (if there is such a thing) don't deliver the way The Nanny did. Sitcoms these days are ALL about sexual innuendo. At least The Nanny provided other humourous elements.

Television these days holds little interest for me. I watch the odd episode of Gossip Girl, or some other drivel served up to us from overseas studios, but these new dramas and other shows really don't entertain me the way the old classic comedies do. Give me Hogan's Heroes or Home Improvement over Two and a Half Men anyday.

whoopsie

Sorry to Cozza, who I'm sure is the only active reader of this blog for that absolute drivel earlier. Consider my blog as my therapist and the post should make sense.

Hopefully good things will be happening soon to pull me out of this drudgery. I'll have my new flat and lifestyle, and wedding pics, to share with everyone. Actually, if I focus my energies on the Queensland trip with Al and my family, that should cheer me up a little.

Plus I have a bright green bedside table for my new place. When I move there should be no excuse for bad moods with that cheery piece of bedroom furniture next to me every night. And I'll have lots of old friends to hang out with again, like Ann, Mandy, CJ, Jen and Stu. Plus the freedom of having out-of-town mates like Cozza, Ben and Al crash at my place. There should be good times.

I promise pics when I get back from QLD. Smiley pics. LOTS of them.

on a happier note

I'm moving out, soon.

My application for a flat in Bathurst was accepted and I'm psyched to sign the lease and start moving my gear next week. I'll be up to my bespectacled eyeballs in uni assignments, packing and travelling, not just between here and there, but to my uncle's wedding. It'll be worth it though, I'll have my own space again. Oh, and worth going to the wedding to catch up with family and spend time with my sister. She's legally allowed to drink now, so it should prove to be interesting.

And I'll have a bright green bedside table in a few days once Pop and I finish painting it.

Cozza, you and Stash will have to visit again next time you have free hols, it was so great to catch up with you guys even if it wasn't for very long. And this time we don't have to wonder around the streets aimlessly window shopping and wasting money, I'll have a place to relax! Yayness.

No lounge though. All beanbags baby! Cos I'm retro cool like that :P

politics... pfft

You know, when I was growing up I was under the impression that living in a democracy meant that I'd have a say in what goes on in my country. Now I realise that I can say all I like, it doesn't mean it will make one ounce of difference. It seems like anyone who doesn't agree with Ms Wong can expect to be belittled and shouted down. Doesn't exactly sound like democracy to me. Parliament is like a kindergarten, or preschool.

Right now the Australian Government is biding their time to try (again) to get their emissions trading scheme passed through parliament. As one journalist put it, this Government consists of "urban armchair environmentalists". Now I have nothing against trying to lessen our negative impact on the environment, in fact it is an admirable goal. But not at the expense of jobs (roughly 34,000 people are employed on farms producing beef alone), income and general quality of life for the people who don't happen to live along Australia's coastline, or in Canberra. It all boils down to, for me, the inclusion of agriculture in the scheme.

The average beef farmer will find himself paying roughly $50 per head in tax to cover cattle carbon emissions. When you take into account that most areas are still suffering from drought conditions, and farmers have to ship in feed, pay for farm workers and don't have time to work another job... well let's just say I doubt any profit will be made. As things stand now, beef farmers are, on average, in debt. You only have to read The Land newspapers' classifieds to see the numbers of rural houses and properties now up for sale, with people getting out before things get any worse for them.

The thing that really made my blood boil was one environmental advisor actually saying that it would be a good thing if this was the end of the beef industry. He has obviously dismissed offhand that most farms are now taking a sustainable approach, with livestock being excluded from areas that are being allowed to regenerate. Most farmers are members of land management groups such as Landcare. He has clearly ignored that demand for Australian beef is high, both here and overseas.

We're being told that eating less red meat will be healthy for us, even though I've always been lead to believe by members of the health profession that red meat is an essential source of iron in a regular diet. I am not vegetarian by any stretch of the imagination, and I cannot imagine myself adjusting to a diet without beef.

We're being told that cattle release far too much carbon into the atmosphere. Well so do humans, we breathe it out! Are we the next big taxable item? Maybe they can tax us for every day we breathe. Honestly, I find this ridiculous. The carbon that is released from cattle does rise into the air. Then it falls back down with the rain and seeps into the soil. Trees use carbon in the air to produce oxygen. Carbon is the basic building block of life. I only needed a basic high school education to learn about the carbon cycle, so I am astounded as to how many people think carbon in any form is bad.

I kept myself calm when the Government announced its water buy-back scheme, just as drought conditions were starting to improve and farmers stood a chance of getting slightly ahead. I understand the need to conserve our waterways, even if irrigation is tighter now. But this, this has the potential to kill an entire industry, put thousands of people out of work, and quite possibly plunge us right back into the economic mess we're supposed to be just getting out of.

Clearly, I don't agree with this final version of the emission trading scheme. And it's just as clear that only the politicians will get the final say. Unfortunately for me and many others, our state politicians all seem to be city-centric and forget that anything this side of the Great Dividing Range exists, and the current federal Government are majority urban-area representatives. I would love for these people to travel out this way, see the state of the roads, see the state of the schools and hospitals, and actually talk to the people who actually live here rather than rely on reports from people based in Sydney. It's scary how many city dwellers and Labor supporters have absolutely no idea of the implications this legislation could have, and they are outraged by the initial defeat of the bill in the senate. Perhaps the Government can try explaining to them, in lamens terms, exactly why it didn't pass. To introduce the proposed scheme as it is now is economic suicide.

I know, it's very unusual for me to be so opinionated about anything and it's not like I really understand everything there is to know about politics or this ETS, but I am selfishly scared about my own future here. I want to eat beef, I want to keep living in rural New South Wales rather than have to move to Sydney or Canberra, and I want my family and their jobs on a small cattle property to survive. I was seriously considering moving overseas somehow if this bill had passed straight away. There would have been no point for me personally to have stayed.

Don’t even get me started on how the scheme will affect grocery and electricity prices and impact on average-income families, as well as pensioners and students.

fragile creativity

I don't want to be your rose, all beauty and so fragile.

There's more to me than a velvet touch.


I think my muse may be trying to wake up, which is awesome. The damn thing has been dormant for far too long now! Anyway, I'm feeling like writing again (as you can see), so here's hoping this feeling of creativity lasts.

The Fallen != Evanescence

Alrighty, fangirl rant time. Fellow Ev fans will appreciate this. It's time to clear the air.


Evanescence is still together as a band, Amy Lee is still the singer, Terry Belsamo is still their guitarist. The media has decided that because Ben Moody, Rocky Gray and John LeCompt have started a new band with an ex-Disturbed bassist and Carly Smithson from American Idol as their singer, they must be Evanescence, under the new name, The Fallen.


Diehard Ev fans are crying for blood. The misinformed media have started an all out war among music fans. It's Ben vs. Amy all over again. I know that Ben, his band and their followers are capitalising on all the attention. Carly's family even labelled her the new Amy Lee at one point, and the band played Bring Me To Life during their debut performance. The band name itself alludes to the Evanescence breakthrough album of 2003. And of course, The Fallen claim they have nothing to do with Evanescence, despite all this.


What makes it worse is that the media are all over it. The Fallen is the new, improved, revamped Evanescence. I guess you can't blame Ben and his band for wanting to use the media hype to get their band off to an awesome start with plenty of recognition. It's just a shame. Everyone was only just getting over the rift between Amy and Ben, and the shock departure of John and Rocky.


I admit, I'm no better than many other fans, I believe that Ben Moody started this Evanescence-like band to spite Amy, and that he's behaving like a petulant child who wants his playfriends and popularity back. Don't get me wrong, I think he's an amazing musician. It's just that his band is too closely entwined with Evanescence, it's like he really is trying to replace the old band with a new one.


Amy has posted on the official Evanescence website and MySpace blog that they are still very much alive as a band, and are currently working on new music for release next year. At least that piece of good news is a plus for fans throughout this ridiculous media circus.


I really wanted to clear up this misunderstanding. So many non-Ev savvy people are confused by all the headlines and fan-rants and truly believe that Amy has been replaced and the band has been renamed. They are two separate bands, despite the similarities.


Ok, I'm done ranting now. Clearly I'm into Ev WAY too much to be considered healthy

procrastination

The ultimate procrastination: blogging about procrastinating! Heh, I'm such a dork.


I had my first exam last Tuesday and I'm quietly confident that I scraped myself a pass. You have no idea how relieved I was. Now I have programming in Monday morning and accounting on Tuesday morning. I'm focusing my revision efforts on the latter considering I hate accounting and my brain seems to want to reject any information relating to the subject. It's going to be one tough exam!


In July I get to see Harry Potter in Dubvegas with my sister, which will be awesome. If there was anyone who wanted to see it in Orange or Bathurst before the 17th, or after the 20th, then let me know. You all know me well enough by now to know that I'll happily see it more than once :)


Ok, enough blogging! More updates after exams

study study study

Exams are looming ever closer, I have my first one on Tuesday. Here's hoping I can maintain my Distinction average for this subject. Anyway, if you try to contact me over the next week and a half and there's no reply, don't think I'm snobbing you, I'll just have my head stuck in a textbook or pouring over notes.


At any rate, I'm hoping to get through a lot today, then spend a good couple of hours modding a couple of sites, maybe play a little MySims and get a decent sleep. Wish me luck lovelies!

Fred and George

I have a Fred and George. The first of the two rats was named George by my sister, after the Weasley twin from Harry Potter of course. Well George had been getting quite lonely in her massive cage, all on her lonesome. Even with my dad doting on her, hehehe. Anyway, when we were in Bathurst we decided it was a good time to get George a Fred. So we went to the pet shop out in Kelso, and asked if they had any female rats. "Of course" was the reply. Lovely. Then the woman tried to sell us a male rat. Hmm.


Anyway, long story short, some kids had been in earlier in the day and were playing with the rats. The young male was put in the female enclosure by one of them, without the shopkeepers noticing. Anyway, my first thought was "how does someone working in a pet shop NOT know how to tell the difference between a boy rat and a girl rat?" Then they offered us the oldest female. So my next thought was "well she's probably preggers again since the make was in there, and I don't want a pregnant rat". So we got a very young female, and we named her Fred.


Fred is very cute, and quite obnoxious. Poor George doesn't get a break with Fred running all around the cage, jumping on George, wrestling George, and so on. When George gets tired of Fred, she'll bite her and head as far away as she can. Then 10 minutes later you can walk past and see the two rats curled up together asleep, George with a front leg over the younger rat. It's been good for George to take on a mother role, especially considering she won't be able to have any baby rats of her own, what with the problems she has and all.


But George does seem much more lively and happy now, and Fred has most definately settled in.

pfft-ness

Emo Isti strikes again. I hate feeling like this, but yeah. I'm feeling insignificant. I'm realising some people aren't worth salvaging an old friendship with anymore, cos I'm the only one trying.


What a kick in the guts.


On a brighter note I guess, One Piece manga volumes 2 and 3 turned up. And I watched the season one first voyage dvds I got yesterday too. Very distracting, very nice.

the inner anime, manga and gēmu otaku

My no-procrastination streak ended. I was doing so well too, but I guess I might just need a bit of a break. Once I get this IT assessment item out of the way, I'll give myself a couple of days before I move onto the final programming assessment, then exam preparation.


I've decided to let go of my geekling ways, and embrace the inner otaku I truly am! By the way, otaku refers to to a fan of any particular theme, topic, or hobby. And thanks to the influences of Bazz and Jelbie in particular, I am now ready to acknowledge my anime, manga and video game fandoms. Just a heads up to you all seeing as that's the direction this blog will probably take in future!


Provided all goes well with my assignment this afternoon, I'm off to Stop n Rock in Bathurst to pick up my first lot of One Piece dvds, and I'm checking out the comic store there as well. I doubt they will give me better prices on manga than what I can get online, but it doesn't hurt to try. So yeah, thanks to Jelbie I'm a tad obsessed with One Piece so I'm hoping to get all the available dvds (Funimation, not 4kids) and manga I can. Living at home does have it's advantages so I can save the money for it.


After One Piece, I will start saving for other anime:

• The Wallflower (collections 1 &2)
  
• Ah! My Goddess (season 2)
  
• Escaflowne
• Chrono Crusade
• Cowboy Bebop
• Elfen Lied
• Midori Days

That's for starters anyway. I only plan on buying anime I know I can watch over and over, so no Naruto. I will save for the manga though. I think that list is more than enough to start saving for right now, it'll take awhile!


I also want to find out exactly when One Piece games are available on the Wii in Australia. They'd have to be better than the PS2 game with the 4kids voiceovers!


Cosplay is another hobby I want to get into. My ultimate costume would be Lulu from Final Fantasy X, but I think Hinata, Nami, or even Lucy (Mew) might be better beginner ones.


But yeah. I digress.


Procrastination. Isn't it wonderful?

seriously, what is going on?

My friends all seem to have kids, are getting married, and buying houses. When did everyone grow up? Where the hell was I? Puts my life in sharp perspective, that does. It makes me beg the questions: have I done the right thing? Have all my choices been bad ones? Have I set myself up for a life of failure and feeling incomplete?

*sigh*

I know the answer is that I have to do this my way, do what I need to and want to do. But still, I'm starting to get the feeling that I'm inadequate. Maybe I'm aiming too high, being too ambitious with my career aspirations? I don't know. No backing out now though. I'm sticking to my decisions. Even if they are the wrong ones.

motivation? meh

Alas, emo Isti has made an unexpected and wholly unwelcome return. I get so angry with myself for feeling so down, which of course only serves to perpetuate the problem.



Need to smile. Effort.



So unmotivated, haven't eaten, haven't even had a coffee, no study has been done today... and the day is half over. I have successfully wasted this morning unproductively, feeling a tad sorry for myself and unsure of why.



Seriously need to spur my sorry ass into gear and drag myself to my work PC. Clearly this blog post is a sorry attempt to keep my emo self preoccupied and avoid the real issue here. Yes, my circumstances suck, yes there's not much I can do about it, and yes I'm trying to deal with lots of personal crap, but that's no excuse for me to be all tense and melodramatic.



I need a life. And a hug.

just call me Giggles

So I got to FINALLY catch up with my friend Allen who I haven't seen in over 10 years now, and a seriously good time was had by all. I think my grandmother is smitten, hee hee.

Nothing beats an awesome pub meal, a few too many beers and some movies. And laughing at the obnoxiously loud St George supporter at the pub. Poor guy, everyone was ganging up on him, then his team went and lost.

I also realised over the course of the evening that I really can recite the dialogue from Aladdin word for word. A bit sad really, yet quite the accomplishment.

And I have been dubbed Giggles. Apparently I giggle a lot, and that was all Al was calling me the whole time he was here. I fix his computer for him, and he repays me by giving me a nickname. I told him that makes me sound like a really awfully named comic book villain, which only lead to more smartass comments from the both of us. Anyway, what can I say, I giggle when I'm happy and lately I've been very happy talking to Cowboy, and now getting to renew an old friendship. I have my protective big brother back!

I guess I can put up with "Giggles" for that.

The bear Cowboy sent me + Al's hat

Hardcore? Haha!

Another Potter fan

randomness and cupcakes

I've been slacking off a lot lately, I know. I've been a bit distracted and distant, and for this I apologise. Things are weighing heavily on my mind these days, so I ask you all to bear with me a little longer.

Firstly, living at home again isn't that great. I love my family here dearly of course, but the lack of freedom and to live my own lifestyle is really getting to me. I've been getting a bit depressed lately, and if it wasn't for my Cowboy (Texas) who I love dearly and occupies my mind almost non-stop, I'd be insane right now. Seriously. I'm in a town where I don't know anyone, the weather is miserable, and there is nothing to do... even if I did know anyone here.

The main reason I'm back here rather than in my own place somewhere else is that I can't afford it. I'm flat broke with bills to pay. I've been applying for work in Orange and Bathurst, and am widening the net to Dubbo and Wagga Wagga, possibly even Forbes... I'm desperate. I need to start earning money again and get my freaking independence back! And save for a trip overseas, to Texas hopefully. Not for a couple of years at best though.

The homecooked meals here are great, but there's only so much of the family lifestyle I can take before I crave being on my own and to be able to get that back I need money. I loathe money, I despise it. What a stupid concept. "Oh lets pretend that this paper/plastic/semi-precious metal is actually worth a set amount of value that we can exchange for goods and services". You know, if the barter system was still in play, there wouldn't be a global financial crisis! Dumb asses.

Ok, I'm just being silly now. I'm done ranting about money, heh.

I'm studying again, which should be great. Except it's getting harder and harder to stay motivated. I know that once it's all over I'll have fanfriggintastic job prospects, but I need to get through it first. Reminding myself to keep breathing.

I need to work out more. Must remember to work on that.

My Twitter obsession has actually been keeping me quite sane! Who would've thought. I've been tweeting to my hearts content about all manner of subjects: TV, gaming, webcomics, Cowboy, music, health... whatever pops into my mind while I'm sitting at a computer really. It's quite therapuetic, believe it or not. Sign up, and follow me! I'll give you cookies... well ok I can't really give you cookies, but I would if I could.

deviantART is providing me with an awesome distraction too. I've been getting into photography a little bit, and I'm convinced I need a proper, decent camera so I can stop using my camera phone (as awesome as the Sony Ericsson K850i is). I think I'll try some more photo manipulations to relax once I get a bit further into my study this term. And maybe some recolours, I need to work on my Photoshop skills a bit more.

Going to write more poems too. I'm deadly serious about that book, it's a lifelong dream of mine to have a book of my poetry published, so I will do it.

Driving lessons are getting there, slowly. Learning to drive in my own car is helping, I feel more relaxed knowing if I stuff up it's only my own vehicle I'm risking, no one elses. Hope to have my license by the time I can move out again. I really just need to work on my confidence behind the wheel.

You know, when I'm starting to feel overwhelmed and trapped by my circumstances, I remember the good people in my life. The main ones getting me through right now are my sis Amanda, my friends Jess, Jacinda, Allen, and Ben, and my wonderful man, Kyle. Even having little bits of contact with Corrie, Matty G, Bazz and Fliss helps too. And I can't thank any of them enough for being there for me.

Oh, and I lied about the cupcakes. Yes I know, I'm a bad woman. :P

Cancelled

Gulgong is cancelled due to licensing laws. What the hell. I was going to see Allen, Jacinda, AJ and even my cousin Rik there. Grr.

My sister moving in with me... cancelled, as far as mum's concerned. She doesn't think it will happen and isn't really being very supportive of the idea. Dammit.

Cowboy, you'd better not cancel! Hehehe, no pressure.

le sigh

Jobsearching is such a massive pain in the posterior, especially when living in a small town like Blayney. Hopefully I can find employment in Bathurst or somewhere similar, soon. Before I go completely insane. I spent the better part of last night and some of today filling out applications, touching up my resume and typing up cover letters. Not fun.

The lack of privacy and having to be available to my family at their every whim is starting to take it's toll on me. I need a break. Bring on the BnS and a job!

funny business?

We might have to scratch moving out with my sister off the "good stuff" list, grrr. If that doesn't get sorted, I will look for someone else to move in with in Bathurst. Damn yesterday was just not my day.

I wanted to do something to cheer myself up, and I thought a little online retail therapy might help... then I realised I have no money now. So I thought, "hey, I have a 12 pk of Bounty chocolate bars, that sounds delicious"... but then I realised that putting all that weight back on would make me more depressed. So I talked to people instead. Cheers Raoul, Ian and Cowboy, you guys cheered me up big time, hehe. Funny buggers.

To end on a positive note, went driving today, and actually liked it. So yes, miracles can happen.

Riiiiight

Thank god I have a few things to look forward to, like...

• Gulgong BnS
• Uncle Geoffrey's wedding
• moving out with Amanda
• meeting Cowboy
• possibly publishing a book
• learning guitar

... otherwise I would seriously have lost it. It's good to have a few positive things to keep the negative thought spiral at bay.

It might take me a little longer than I'd hoped to be able to get this book done due to finances, but it looks promising either way. The tally so far:

For publishing: 5
Against: 0

Still needing more feedback :)

I need YOU

That's right, I am needing your help!

I've had an idea stuck in my head for a long time, about a year and a half now, and that idea is to publish a book of my poems, past, recent and future. Do you think this would be an ok idea? Tell my why, or why not! I know it's ambitious, but the idea won't leave me alone.

If enough people agree with me, I'll then be on the lookout for a cover artist .

It's amazing, that it only take sone person being sweet and caring to make you feel blissful, even though life might be crap. I love this feeling and I hope it lasts *wink wink nudge nudge* (you know who you are).

So now my sister has found out I'm going to my first BnS with a couple of mates, she's decided to take it upon herself to convert me to "country". You know, country music, RM Williams, utes, the whole shebang. I told her as long as I get to keep my unique cuts/colours, then I really don't care what she tries. And do you know what the cheeky lil' brat (who I love dearly) said? "Well I s'pose I can make one concession". When we live together, she is going to take me in hand lol. She also said that Bathurst probably can't handle the two of us out and about on the town at once. Hehe, she's probably right, when we get together we're just crazy.

Wow, I'm feeling happy right now! Thankyou very much Cowboy! And Cozza, I miss you! Ann-funky-green-chicken-turkey-person, we need to catch up again, and Fliss, you are my muse lately, love ya! And everyone else too, love you all. Love it when life seems sweet.

Ticked Off

*sigh* why is it that I can't do anything right by anyone? I'm confused, hurt and angry. I'm stuck in a town with no friends. I'm broke. I'm stressed about uni.

Can someone recommend a nice rock for me to crawl under? Thanks

I shall name him Fred

Ugh, so sick today, hopefully I can shake it off quickly and get back into uni work, got two assignments due within a week.

I've decided I need to get myself a teddy bear. I miss cuddles, and even though a teddy can't give cuddles back, at least I can give it cuddles!

I went on a photogrphy spree yesterday, I might post some pics when I feel a bit better.

Ciao lovelies!

the unanswerable question...

Why do I let myself be such an idiot? Lol seriously, I need to think things through more before I open my mouth.

it's the fear

I'm worried I'm turning into a bitter hag, wary of getting close to anyone again. I must not let myself get that way!

nice girls finish last, same with the guys

Some not-so-bright ones just don't get it do they? People don't like being used, and they don't take kindly to being rudely dismissed either. Really, who would? Treat people with respect and they'll often show you the same courtesy.

So what is it with society that makes some people think it's ok to treat other people so badly? And these people get away with it, because they are usually mistreating nice people, people too nice to speak up and say something in case someone will get offended. It's rubbish that this is ok!

I know so many people who are too quiet and scared of hurting anyone that they get walked all over, all the time. These good people end up doubting themselves and feeling hurt and rejected. What good does hurting a genuinely nice person do? Does it make them feel big? Tough? I'd laugh if it didn't make me feel like crying instead.

I've been getting so angry about this kind of thing lately, because it doesn't just happen to me. Yes I am obviously sick of it happening to me, but I really hate seeing my friends being taken advantage of as well. There is so much other crap going on in the world, so why the hell can't we all just be nice to each other, and treat each other with respect and honesty?

/rant.

woop woop

All is well in Skybie Land today. Happy sparkly rainbows and butterflies and so on.

I powered into my programming assignment today, and the coding will be done tomorrow. It's not due till Friday, so I'm ahead, and loving it. Yay for me! I'm going to take that as an indicator for the rest of the year. No I am not deluding myself, it helps to set goals =)

I guess it helps when the assignment is very very basic stuff you've already learned... but still, go me! Hee hee...

And Dan, the answer to your question is a most emphatic NO. Hopefully you read this sooner rather than later so you know what I'm talking about!

yayness, happy fun update!

So I'm all moved and settled into my caravan at dad/grandparent's place, thanks to everyone who asked how it went. Love you guys! I miss my sister, Cozza, Dan and Jay already though *tear*

Isti has a car! Now all I need to do is learn how to drive it, hehe. Thanks dad!

And on the fun-times front, September looks like it could shape up to be pretty decent. It's Uncle Geoffrey's wedding, so it should be awesome. I even have a date already (cheers Al), and knowing my uncles it'll be one heck of a party. I need to save for a dress though... hoping to have slimmed down a bit more before then. I love having something to look forward to.

My pet rat is doing ok. George has bad hind legs, a hereditary thing apparently. She's not in any pain thank goodness, and she's still really active. She loves curling up in dad's pocket, and eating grapes. I'm looking forward to hoodie weather now, I reckon she'd love that! When I get some really awesome pics of her I'll post them. Oh and Puff the Fishy is doing great too.

Amanda is moving to Bathurst after she's graduated, so we'll look for a place there together. I'll have to stick it out with the fam till then. Lovely home-cooked meals? I think I can handle that, even if I have to dry dishes the whole time! Anyway, sis plans to study at tafe and work at one of the aged care places in Bathurst. It will be glorious.

Wow, this was a longer update than I planned. I need to get on with uni stuff. Ciao lovelies!

so angry and hurt

You know what? I've come to realise that most people really do treat me like a doormat, and like I'm the least important person they know. My feelings don't matter, my thoughts don't count, and I may as well be invisible.

You know what I have to say to these people? I am better than that.

That's right, I'm better than being everyone's "backup friend", the one they go to cos no one else is available. I'm better than being used, abused and tossed aside. I'm sick of the crap, I'm sick of feeling like this and I'm damn well sick of two faced idiots.

My true friends know who they are, because they have never once ignored me, never once made me feel insignificant and alone. They treat me with respect, would never dream of using me or hurting me, and actually like me for me. I love these people dearly and will always cherish them. I could never toss them aside like they don't matter, because to me they do.

So screw those of you that pretend to be my friend, I'm done with always being the nice girl. Only my real friends and other genuine people get to see that me anymore.

A Visionary Confidant

INFJs, making up an estimated 1% of all people, are the most rare type (males even more so). They are introspective, caring, sensitive, gentle and complex people that strive for peace and derive satisfaction from helping others. INFJs are highly intuitive, empathetic and dedicated listeners. These traits tend to act as a "tell me what's wrong" sign on their forehead, hence the nicknames Confidant, Counselor or Empath. INFJs are intensely private and deeply committed to their beliefs.

Some famous confidants: Anthony Kiedis, Chaucer, Nelson Mandela and Oprah. Oh, and Luke Skywalker! lol

My personality type accounts for 1% of the population. I always knew I was unique!

私の反省から放つ

"Unleash me from my remorse"

I seem to be pissing people off left, right and center lately, and I find myself constantly apologising for just being me. This does not sound right to me. I need to get rid of all these guilty feelings and get on with life.

If my friends are truly my friends, they accept me even if I'm not living up to the expectations of "Happy Skye". Apparently a lot of my friends don't think the same way I do and only want to know me on the good days, not the bad as well.

Well guess what: I am me.

If people can't deal with that then they need to consider why they are friends with me in the first place. Don't get me wrong, I care about each and every one of my friends, but I am tired of being told that I need to change.

Project 365

On a brighter note, I plan on starting a Project 365 soon. Hopefully I'll stick with it and greatly improve my camera skills. Maybe even get some awesome candid and artistic shots along the way.

Australia Day

With Australia Day fast approaching, I've been thinking about why I love living here as much as I do. Obviously it's my home and I'll always think of it that way, but why else should I celebrate my country?

Not only does my country have a rich and diverse multicultural heritage, but is has vast, striking landscapes... some of which I've been lucky enough to grow up in.

We're (apparently) a nation of sports lovers. We have gorgeous beaches, great expanses of bushland and desert, we have beautiful wetlands and rainforests. We have a long history of farming and industry. Our music, film and theatre industries are beginning to thrive.

We have lost many brave souls to different wars, and we celebrate them and their surviving comrades with pride. Just because I don't agree with current wars doesn't make their service any less meaningful.

Australia Day doesn't usually bring out the patriot in me like this. More often than not it takes a major sporting event for me to proudly wave the flag and claim "I am Australian". But the more I think about just what my country is, and the history that it has, the more I realise I am very lucky to be living in this little part of the world.