randomness and cupcakes

I've been slacking off a lot lately, I know. I've been a bit distracted and distant, and for this I apologise. Things are weighing heavily on my mind these days, so I ask you all to bear with me a little longer.

Firstly, living at home again isn't that great. I love my family here dearly of course, but the lack of freedom and to live my own lifestyle is really getting to me. I've been getting a bit depressed lately, and if it wasn't for my Cowboy (Texas) who I love dearly and occupies my mind almost non-stop, I'd be insane right now. Seriously. I'm in a town where I don't know anyone, the weather is miserable, and there is nothing to do... even if I did know anyone here.

The main reason I'm back here rather than in my own place somewhere else is that I can't afford it. I'm flat broke with bills to pay. I've been applying for work in Orange and Bathurst, and am widening the net to Dubbo and Wagga Wagga, possibly even Forbes... I'm desperate. I need to start earning money again and get my freaking independence back! And save for a trip overseas, to Texas hopefully. Not for a couple of years at best though.

The homecooked meals here are great, but there's only so much of the family lifestyle I can take before I crave being on my own and to be able to get that back I need money. I loathe money, I despise it. What a stupid concept. "Oh lets pretend that this paper/plastic/semi-precious metal is actually worth a set amount of value that we can exchange for goods and services". You know, if the barter system was still in play, there wouldn't be a global financial crisis! Dumb asses.

Ok, I'm just being silly now. I'm done ranting about money, heh.

I'm studying again, which should be great. Except it's getting harder and harder to stay motivated. I know that once it's all over I'll have fanfriggintastic job prospects, but I need to get through it first. Reminding myself to keep breathing.

I need to work out more. Must remember to work on that.

My Twitter obsession has actually been keeping me quite sane! Who would've thought. I've been tweeting to my hearts content about all manner of subjects: TV, gaming, webcomics, Cowboy, music, health... whatever pops into my mind while I'm sitting at a computer really. It's quite therapuetic, believe it or not. Sign up, and follow me! I'll give you cookies... well ok I can't really give you cookies, but I would if I could.

deviantART is providing me with an awesome distraction too. I've been getting into photography a little bit, and I'm convinced I need a proper, decent camera so I can stop using my camera phone (as awesome as the Sony Ericsson K850i is). I think I'll try some more photo manipulations to relax once I get a bit further into my study this term. And maybe some recolours, I need to work on my Photoshop skills a bit more.

Going to write more poems too. I'm deadly serious about that book, it's a lifelong dream of mine to have a book of my poetry published, so I will do it.

Driving lessons are getting there, slowly. Learning to drive in my own car is helping, I feel more relaxed knowing if I stuff up it's only my own vehicle I'm risking, no one elses. Hope to have my license by the time I can move out again. I really just need to work on my confidence behind the wheel.

You know, when I'm starting to feel overwhelmed and trapped by my circumstances, I remember the good people in my life. The main ones getting me through right now are my sis Amanda, my friends Jess, Jacinda, Allen, and Ben, and my wonderful man, Kyle. Even having little bits of contact with Corrie, Matty G, Bazz and Fliss helps too. And I can't thank any of them enough for being there for me.

Oh, and I lied about the cupcakes. Yes I know, I'm a bad woman. :P