violin!

It arrived!

I picked it up in my lunch break, and it's an awesome beginner violin. It's green, so of course it's awesome! Just knowing that the violin is now mine, my own to learn... my precious, if you will... I couldn't help but grin like a loon for an hour straight.

When I got it home, I didn't bother with dinner. Screw eating, I have a green violin! I managed to set the bridge with as little amount of difficulty as possible for a beginner like me. But then came the long and kinda bloody battle with the rosin jar. That thing damn near had me beaten, my poor nails couldn't take it anymore. Once I managed to get the jar open and rub the rosin on the brand new bow, I started tuning. And I actually got my violin to make proper noises! You know, not strangled cat screetches, hehe. By the time I started to get the hang of playing each string individually it was getting late and as lovely as my neighbours are I'm sure a badly played violin would stretch their patience just a little.

So now I'm waiting for the next opportunity to keep at it, cos I really need to learn basic finger positions - maybe I'll learn Mary Had A Little Lamb within a month or so.

Dear Texas

Dear Texas,

I love you, you grumpy Bear. Cranky bum :P

Love from your crazy Irish-Viking Queen, who is a melancholy closet clown with a massive shoe fetish and who's Amanda Palmer-esque aspirations are making her quite strange, which logically, when you think about it, is normal. So much love from your totally normal girl!

Ampersand, by Amanda Palmer

I've had a resurgence in my love for all things Amanda Palmer (and Dresden Dolls), and decided to get myself the "Who Killed Amanda Palmer" mini-mystery in music videos. I thought I'd find it mildly interesting at best, but I didn't expect to fall madly in love with more than half of the songs on the album. This woman's songwriting ability is phenonemal to say the least. If I had half of her poetic skills, my book would've been done and dusted over a year ago and I'd be selling so many copies. Her piano skills leave me gobsmacked. Especially on the songs Another Year, Astronaut, and Ampersand. You know, I think she has a thing for words beginning with 'a'. Anyway, to get back on topic...

Ampersand is one of those songs that I loved as soon as I heard it, and the more I let myself listen to it, the more I adore it. The lyrics are anything but sweet, in stark constrast with the music, but I can't help myself, hehe.

Ampersand
(lyrics from whokilledamandapalmer.com)

i walk down my street at night
the city lights are cold and violent
i am comforted by the approaching sound of trucks and sirens
even though the world’s so bad, these men rush out to help the dying
and though i am no use to them i do my part by simply smiling

the ghetto boys are cat-calling me
as i pull my keys from my pocket
i wonder if this method of courtship has ever been effective
has any girl in history said “sure, you seem so nice, let’s get it on”
still i always shock them when i answer “hi, my name’s amanda” and

i’m not gonna live my life
on one side of an ampersand
and even if i went with you
i’m not the girl you think i am
and i’m not gonna match you
‘cause i’ll lose my voice completely
no, i’m not gonna watch you
‘cause i’m not the one that’s crazy

i have wasted years of my life
agonizing about the fires
i started when i thought that to be strong you must be flame-retardant
and now to dress the wounds calls into question
how authentic they are
there is always someone criticizing me
she just likes playing hospital

lying in my bed
i remember what you said
“there’s no such thing as accidents...”

but you’ve got the headstones all ready
all carved up and pretty
your sick satisfaction
those his and hers matching
the daisies all push up in pairs to the horizon
your eyes full of ketchup, it’s nice that you’re trying
the headstones all ready
all carved up and pretty
your sick satisfaction
those his and hers matching
the daisies all push up in pairs to the horizon
your eyes full of ketchup, it’s nice that you’re trying

but i’m not gonna live my life
on one side of an ampersand
and even if i went with you
i’m not the girl you think i am

and i’m not gonna match you
‘cause i’ll lose my voice completely
no, i’m not gonna watch you
‘cause i’m not the one that’s crazy

as i wake up - two o’clock - the fire burned the block but ironically
stopped at my apartment and my housemates are all sleeping soundly
and nobody deserves to die, but you were awful adamant
that if i didn’t love you then you had just one alternative
and i may be romantic
and i may risk my life for it
but i ain’t gonna die for you
you know i ain’t no juliet
and i’m not gonna watch you
while you burn yourself out, baby
no, i’m not gonna stop you
‘cause i’m not the one that’s crazy

You'll probably see more posts relating to music from me as well, I think my passion for it was just dormant for awhile, and have now flared to life. As weird as most of my musical taste is, I mean, what's the point in having interests if you don't intend on sharing them, hehe.

EDIT: I was going to post a link to the video (along with the lyrics) to Map of Tasmania... but I'm not that risqué :P

Happy Australia Day

So it is once again the day in the Aussie calander that I am sure every bogan and his sticker-laden ute hang out for: Australia Day. One of my mates posted a nice little Youtube video via Facebook which I think sums the attitude from too many Australians perfectly.

Aussie F*ckin' Pride.

This video did get me thinking though. I'd like to think I have great pride in my country as well, but how exactly do I express that pride? I honestly couldn't think of anything. Sure, I own an Australian flag bikini - a gift from Texas (I think he's just hoping I'll pose for a pic in it for him, haha). I have an Australian flag oven mit too - it was $2 and all the others were $8, what can I say, I'm thrifty. I've seen so many people driving around with flags on their cars and that sort of carry on, which bugs me. How do we show our pride every day of the year, rather than just the January 26 public holiday where we can all sit around the bbq, drinking beer and watching the cricket/listen to the Triple J countdown?

I know the aspects of Australia, and the people, that make me feel proud to call myself an Aussie. The recent flood disasters on our east coast is a prime example: everyone pulled together and didn't let the situation get the better of their spirits. I love the fact that we have a "look out for your mates" attitude, and I adore that the rest of the world adores our accents. I love the friendly (and sometimes not-so-friendly) competitive relationship we have with New Zealand. I love that as a nation, Australia has such a colourful history. I think its great that we are a multicultural country, that we have such a diverse array of foods, dress, religion and lifestyles.

There are a lot of things I don't like too. I loathe that Australians are viewed as one of the most racist groups of people in the world. I especially hate that there are people who actually earned us that title. I hate the snakes and spiders and all the other deadly critters. I really hate those. And the bogans. Oh my gosh, the bogans. Growing up in a tiny hick town, I know bogans. It's painful.

Oh, and if anyone says "Aussie, Aussie, Aussie" to me expecting the traditional "Oi, oi, oi" reply, I'm afraid they will be sorely disappointed. Save that shit for sporting events.

Despite the things I hate about Australia, there are things that I like about living here that more than make up for it. But the question is: how can one show pride in one's country? And not just on Australia Day, but everyday? It's not so simple to answer, because the answer is completely subjective. Everyone will have different ways to be a proud Aussie.

For now, I'm going to focus on working my ass off towards a career that will contribute to the nation's economy, and continue to live a good life here. And maybe re-learn the words to the second verse of our national anthem. Can't believe I forgot those. Whoops.

growth

Not of the melonomous type.

Personal growth is something I have not experienced in a long time, but I'm thinking I'm on my way to growing into a more confident... what's the word... extraverted minx. That's it. Extraverted, hehe.

I still have a looong way to go, but I believe a few good nudges here and there and I'll be awesome. Yep. And for those of you out there who would tell me I'm already awesome (Kyle, Coz, I'm looking at you guys) - I'll be awesomer.

For now, I'm still ChickenWoman, the shy introvert with very little in the way of guts or adventurousness. Ok, the adventurous bit is a lie, but the guts to pursue some adventures is somewhat lacking. I plan on having many adventures :P

new hobby?

I've been needing a new hobby for awhile now, one that gets me away from a computer or tv screen. I've been craving something creative, preferably something music related. That had me thinking about learning an instrument.

Piano? Too expensive, too space consuming.
Guitar? Pfft, everyone playes guitar.
Drums? My neighbours would kill me.

Then I realised I want something rather portable and easy to pack away, yet has a soothing sound (which immediately rules out saxophone). I hate the sound of clarinet, and flutes are too shrill. Then it hit me.

Violin.

Since that realisation hit me over the head and seeped into my brain, I haven't been able to shake the longing for a beginner's violin. It's no longer a want. I need to learn the violin. I'm hearing violin music in my sleep! Well, that could be due to the fact that I listen to classical music as I sleep... but I digress.

I don't have the artistic skill to draw or paint. I'm too much of a perfectionist to be able to be happy with anything I may produce on canvas or paper. So it had to be music. Nice to know I can still be logical, even about a creative hobby, haha!

Seriously though, I'm eying off a gorgeous green acoustic violin. I want that violin. I could buy it online right now. But I am trying to be responsible. I mean, if they deliver it to my door and I'm not at home, what if the neighbours decide they want a new hobby?

It will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine.

And shh, I know Wayne was not talking about a violin when he said that :P

lonely

I get lonely sometimes. It's not that I don't get physical contact from my boyfriend who lives half a world away, I just miss the company of other people.

I've always been one to have only a handful of close friends, I find it hard to trust and relax around other people. Not surprisingly, this makes it hard to meet new people and build up meaningful relationships with them. I'm fairly certain I've always been this way.

Anywho, I'm quite tired of being secluded in my own little shell. I need people, I need new friends, and I need to get out and have fun with them. Cos right now, my life is a whole lot of boring (well, besides work).

Hiding

Built a wall, many years ago now.
No one tried to tear it down,
I don’t know if anyone can. I will try.
Needed a wall, my own fortress.
The strongest barrier,
Mutes all sounds, if I laugh or if I cry.

A lonely existence, this side of the wall.
Suffocating silence in my head,
Craving company other than my mind.
An eerie existence, all by myself.
Vacant sky surrounding me,
Dreaming of being with my own kind.

I will be free of this cage I’ve built.
Can I fly to escape this pain,
Or will I tear it apart with my bare hands?
I will be free of this prison wall,
Free to breathe in life,
Transformed into my real self again.

Skye McCarthy 2011

I know that I have the potential to be an outgoing and sassy woman, it's just a confidence thing. The problem is I've been allowing myself to be trapped by the lack of confidence for so long, and habits are incredibly hard to break.

Can I do it? Well, yes. I have to. And I'll be much happier for it.