lonely

I get lonely sometimes. It's not that I don't get physical contact from my boyfriend who lives half a world away, I just miss the company of other people.

I've always been one to have only a handful of close friends, I find it hard to trust and relax around other people. Not surprisingly, this makes it hard to meet new people and build up meaningful relationships with them. I'm fairly certain I've always been this way.

Anywho, I'm quite tired of being secluded in my own little shell. I need people, I need new friends, and I need to get out and have fun with them. Cos right now, my life is a whole lot of boring (well, besides work).

Hiding

Built a wall, many years ago now.
No one tried to tear it down,
I don’t know if anyone can. I will try.
Needed a wall, my own fortress.
The strongest barrier,
Mutes all sounds, if I laugh or if I cry.

A lonely existence, this side of the wall.
Suffocating silence in my head,
Craving company other than my mind.
An eerie existence, all by myself.
Vacant sky surrounding me,
Dreaming of being with my own kind.

I will be free of this cage I’ve built.
Can I fly to escape this pain,
Or will I tear it apart with my bare hands?
I will be free of this prison wall,
Free to breathe in life,
Transformed into my real self again.

Skye McCarthy 2011

I know that I have the potential to be an outgoing and sassy woman, it's just a confidence thing. The problem is I've been allowing myself to be trapped by the lack of confidence for so long, and habits are incredibly hard to break.

Can I do it? Well, yes. I have to. And I'll be much happier for it.