I have aged - and so has this blog

Wow. I have stumbled across my old blog over a decade since I last posted. I have aged, I have changed, and I have no idea what to write about - even though there is so so much I could write about.

I am now a mum to two beautiful boys, I learned some incredibly hard lessons about trust, and I married Luke - my gentle giant. Condensing everything else that has been happening since 2014 is near impossible, and quite frankly most of it is better off remaining private and for me to process with my nearest and dearest. The internet has changed over the years and everyone's lives are on display almost 24/7 now, so I figure I'd like to keep some parts of me to myself.

I'm still an insecure weirdo, that hasn't really changed. After having my eldest I was diagnosed with depression & anxiety. The diagnosis did not shock me in the slightest, I've always been an overthinker and feel things very suddenly, very deeply. I don't sing from the rooftops that I have depression, even with all the awareness campaigns it is still a hard thing to talk about. That being said, if someone asks me, I tell them. As hard as it is to talk about, I have finally figured out that struggling with mental health issues is not something to be ashamed of. I really have no idea why it took me so long to figure it out. Mental health and how I'm feeling will probably become a recurring theme for my future posts.

Health in general is a hot topic in our household right now. I'm attempting to get down to a healthier weight, and now Luke is too. He is diabetic, and has has many complications - most likely from years of not looking after himself. The boys and I are trying to help him where we can, and I like to think that we have given him a reason to prioritise self-care now. I want to grow old with him (well, older), and the boys look up to him as a stepdad. Poor Luke has also hurt his back. We're waiting for his specialist appointment, and in the meantime he is constantly in some level of pain. The boys and I have stepped up to look after the chooks, ducks and birds.

Oh yes, we're also poultry farmers now. Just really small scale, a hobby farm really. We bought a house on a small block of land at the edge of town a few years ago with room for a few animals, but the house and the house yard is in need of a LOT of work. We are slowly getting there on the inside (the lounge room is complete), but it is slow going. We have a few idea for the yard, starting with some shade trees, then privacy screeing, fruit trees and garden beds. A local school recently held a very successful open garden day as a fundraiser and my sister and I got to have a look at six very different gardens. We both got a lot of inspiration from it, but I think I'm going to have to call on a few friends for cuttings to keep costs down!

As much as this blog has aged, so have I. I'm now 41, I'm unfit and unhealthy. I have a stable job that I enjoy with workmates that I adore. Life really is like a bag of Allens Party Mix - yucky black cats, yummy strawberry creams, and everything else in between. Maybe I can use this blog that I doubt anyone will read to unpack my life. Who knows.

For now, I'd better go and attend to the neverending, utterly interesting household chores.

State of Origin Blues

I'll start off by stating that yes, I am one of those annoying people who go for Queensland even though I was born in New South Wales. I have reasons, I'm sure many of us "traitors" do. Mine is to do with my stepdad. He has always cheered on QLD, he first played rugby league there in St George. The whole "State of Origin" thing is to do with the state in which you played your first game. So he is a legit Queenslander. I feel bad for him, he lives in NSW, with a Blues wife. When I was little, mum would get us girls to help her decorate the lounge room for State of Origin and create a "Canetoad Corner" using the most uncomfortable chair in the house for my stepdad to sit on. He was relentlessly picked on year after year, which made the young me sad and reach out in sympathy. Therefore, I decided I'd follow QLD too, to help ease the burden of being the only Maroons supporter in a Blues house.

To be perfectly honest, I haven't really given a damn about rugby league or the State of Origin in years. Back when I did, all the bantering between supporters was in jest, it was lighthearted and fun. That is why it irks me to the point of writing a whinging blog when I see how supporters treat each other these days.

Facebook is a no-go zone for me today. I'm tired of seeing Blues and Maroons supporters referring to each other as... well, a not very nice 4 letter C word. NSW won, that's great for Blues supporters. Well done, well deserved. But do not for a second think that you're my friend if you're willing to refer to me and my stepdad by such foul language.

Mum has been telling me stories about how they still pick on my stepdad, they do things like fly his QLD flag at half mast after a loss. That's harmless, and even I can see the funny side in that. But if being a footy supporter means bullying a general population in such a derogatory way, I'm glad I don't follow the code anymore. 

I remember the days where it was as simple as being happy that your team won, or disappointed that they lost. I'm disappointed my team didn't win the series, isn't that enough grief for a supporter?

Skye Tech Solutions

Well I'm still alive, despite the extended break from my blog. The heatwave we've been having in Australia hasn't managed to do me in, although it tried its hardest.

Biggest news is I have moved to Warren, NSW and opened my Skye Tech Solutions business, which specialises in IT support. It's been a slow few months, but hopefully now the holiday period is drawing to a close I might start reaching more clients.

It's stressful at the moment seeing as funds are tight, but then again I'm used to being poor so I know I'll get through it.

On a completely unrelated sidenote, Dominika Cibulkova is representing Warren in the Australian Open. She's already through to the semi finals after beating the likes of Sharapova in Round 4. If she wins, the Warren Tennis Club gets a $10,000 party! It's really bringing the community together and made me want to get back into tennis.

Go Domi!

Moved

Today was a good day, I had the final inspection of my old flat and was advised I will be receiving my full bond back.

Three weeks ago, I put it out on Facebook that I'm looking to move closer to work so if anyone knew of someone looking for a housemate could they please let me know. I am now completely moved in with my new housemate, Jo. She and I have known each other since I was about 5 (she's about 10 years older than me). Not only is she very friendly and happy, she's laid back and agreeable too - perfect housemate material.

So over the weekend my mum, stepdad, Glenn and I moved all my stuff (a lot is in storage), I cleaned while my sister supervised and kept me fed, and it all paid off as I'm getting my money back and now live closer to work and no longer have to risk my life twice a day on the Narromine-Dubbo road. Yay!

In other news, my good friend Miss Cozza is now Mrs Cozza, and it was a lovely and unique wedding. Seeing her and the guys made me miss them even more! Must arrange to see them sometime soon.

That may prove to be easier said than done. My Easter plans keep changing due to Glenn not knowing whether he'll have started cotton picking or not. He's taking me to Nitro Circus in Orange next month, then we're going to see Tool in May (Glenn has been educating me). Come the end of June we should be taking off on a trip through central Australia. Hopefully I'll have a chance to breathe while I'm at it.

Well at least I can't say I never get to go anywhere or do anything.

That has been the last couple of months for me, and what is coming up that I really should blog about if I can break my laziness.

What do you want for Christmas?

This is a prime example of a typical conversation that I get to have these days:

Him: So, what do you want for Christmas?
Me: Naughty Alice.
Him: Naughty Alice, huh?
Me: It's perfume, you pervert!
Him: Suuuure it is.

but I'm not sleepy

I should be in bed sound asleep but for some reason I feel wide awake, unable to switch off my mind from being in "creative hypothetical situation" mode. That, and I'm still all giddy about our random trip to the zoo yesterday - giraffes and monkeys are just so freaking adorable.

Dress classy, dance cheesy

I happen to really like Gangnam Style.

I get that a lot of people find it incredibly annoying, and I don't really expect people to appreciate the humour in the music video or anything. I'm a fan of asian pop anyway, so when I saw the video and fell about in fits of giggles ages ago, I really didn't think it would end up being mainstream enough for my news feed to be clogged up with complaints about it playing on commercial radio. Alas, that has happened and kind of ruined my buzz.

It's not all bad people! Even my mum finds it amusing (and her taste is about as far from asian pop as you can get - think Brooks & Dunn). Just embrace the cheesiness, you know you want to.