pondering

Sometimes, it feels like the entire world has gone feral. But then I realise I have a hyperactive imagination and the only ferals I know are my cat and my sister (love you kid). I've seen some ferals around town for sure, but I don't know them, so that doesn't count. Or does it? This is a small enough town, maybe it does count! Maybe we're all just ferals in disguise! Kind of like a wolf in sheep's clothing, only more like a stray dog in cow's clothing. Or something. I don't know, my imagination is whipping up some pretty hilarious images right now, hehe.

Shaddup, I'm tired and feel the need to type something :P

stress-less

Not stressless cos that would mean no stress, just less stress. Which is weird, cos this morning should've stressed me out more. Oh well, I'm not complaining. Bring on this arvo and violin practice / housework / study!

stress, ew

I think I've pinpointed why I feel so stressed all the time (or at least narrowed it down a little), I've noticed that I have very little control of any aspect of my life. Uni stress is normal, granted, but I feel I have no control career-wise, I have no control over my own social life, and I certainly have no control over the psycho kitten I've unleashed on our household.

Whoever said that pets help alleviate stress have clearly not met Schröddy.

I've also noticed that whenever people around me seem stressed, I pick up on it and start feeling stressed and anxious myself. As a result, these past few weeks have been hell, and I'm needing a decent night's sleep after a long soak in a hot bath. If the hot water situation at the house gets sorted out. A lack of a support network, a lack of free time, a severe lack of mates to hang out with and very little money means the stress is increased.

Oh, and there's the whole needing to learn how to drive manual. It's not as if I don't understand why I need to, but with how tight finances are I can't afford driving lessons as frequently as I need to practice. I've already told my violin teacher I can't have lessons as frequently anymore. If I owned a manual vehicle, things would be great cos I could practice, but yeah... finances. All work vehicles are manual which I currently cannot drive, so there would be absolutely no opportunity for career advancement. Gah, stressing about that more now.

I honestly can't think of how to calm down and stop worrying so much. I wish I could have an "I don't give a fuck" attitude, but that's not me. There's a reason people tell me all their problems or tell me what I need to do, even if it makes how I'm feeling worse (not that they realise it). I'm pretty sure I'll end up burning out and making myself sick if I don't figure it all out soon which will be incredibly difficult considering the whole lack of control thing. Fingers crossed I can. It's not likely to happen till at least after exams though.

gahness

You know how you feel like you aren't doing anything right? I've had one of those weeks. I can't even sleep right... so sleeeeeepy!

moving day!

Most of my belongings are in the new house now, there's only a few skerricks of junk to uncermoniously stuff into the car or the bin before the only thing left to do by Friday is clean. Cleaning is not my strong suit, but it will done nonetheless. I cannot get over how much more space there is in the house. Even with three people currently inside, all I hear is the quiet and I am perfectly alone on one side of the house while they are on the other. And my room is enormous, it shall be a bedroom/music room by the time it's all sorted. So much junk and still have space to spare.

This will take some getting used to.

Now all I need to build up the gumption to clean, unpack and write two essays. Piece of cake.